2018/02/14

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It breaks my heart to know you're happy with less than I could give you.

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I pray to God to give me strength to forgive you, though I know you're not sorry. I pray that I forgive myself for not loving you right - for wanting you to be someone you're not, and blaming you for not being that person. 

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I want my clean-slate. Like a harlot who wants to save herself for marriage. I know that I can never love like I loved you for the first time again. I know that I can never give myself to another the way I was before you happened.

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And when I meet her and want to spend the rest of my life with her I will have already wanted it with you.
She will never be the first person I have ever wanted kids with.
Do you even realize what you took from that woman? Because I do, I do.
I will never be able to give her the whole of my heart - untarnished.

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And she deserves better. Oh, God, this woman who's gonna sing my children to sleep, she deserves so much better than all of the pieces left.   
  

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